It’s a beautiful spring day. It’s a beautiful spring day, the sun is out, the birds are chirping and your lawn looks great because you hired WeedPro, your lawn care specialists in Atlanta, and yet you are sitting at your kitchen table taking pictures of food to post on social media.
Look, we get that you are proud of the edible creation you pieced together and you want to share it with anybody who cares, but really, there is no need to post a picture of toast with sliced avocados on it. You have a problem; you spend way too much time on social media and not enough some enjoying your perfectly manicured backyard.
We all know the power of the internet can be a good thing. After all, it offers a wealth of information and connects people who are miles and cultures apart. But many of you have become obsessed with social media, to the point that you really need to seek the help of a professional. It’s one thing to take pictures of your awesomely landscaped yard and show it off, but it’s a whole different kind of bad deal when you are stuck in your kitchen on a beautiful day snapping pictures of toast from weird angles.
Here are the ways in which social media is ruining your life.
You Overthink Stupid Things Like Emoticons
It takes you literally two minutes to compose an email to your boss concerning some matter of importance. The content is poorly written, there are several typos and you even misspelled your boss’ name. This reflects very badly on you and all you needed to do was spend a moment or two rereading what you wrote and fixing errors. But you don’t have no time for that.
Yet, when interacting or chatting with someone else on social media, you spend a half hour deciding which emoticons to attach to your text. We get it, they have all sorts of meanings and you are worried how some might interpret them, but it is just an emoticon. Let it go, man.
You Update Constantly
You are so attached to social media that there isn’t a moment when you aren’t checking posts or updating your status. The only time you aren’t checking or posting is when you run out of data and then you become angry and irrational. Like it is a matter of life and death.
You Worry Too Much About Numbers
You panic because your latest post or tweet only got 300 likes and hardly anybody made comments about it. And how about the new selfie you posted? Not very many likes on that either. You worry that your new selfie was taken at a bad angle, perhaps the lighting is all wrong. Or maybe your not very attractive and nobody cares anymore, except your mom of course.
You Get in Fights Over Comments
What starts off as some innocent online harassment suddenly turns ugly and you are threatened with bodily harm. And then they threaten to stop following you. Oh no!
Your Exes are Out There and in Your Face Every Day
You can’t help but clicking through your ex’s posts to see who they are seeing now. And it kills you because you can’t get a date to save your life.
You Forget Who Is Watching
Don’t forget that people like your parents and your boss can see what you post. Don’t forget that whatever you post will, in all likelihood, be on the internet forever. This means that years down the road you might have to explain to one of your children why you would post something so:
F. All of the above
It Gives You an Unrealistic View of Other’s Lives
You use social media to reconnect with people you knew in high school and now you are jealous because they all seem to do very cool and exciting things. All you do is sit around all day and take snapshots of toast.
The truth of the matter is that what you see on other people’s profiles is just a snapshot of a moment. In reality, their lives are as bad as yours.
If you want to be productive, take some pictures of your well-groomed yard and post those to Facebook. Call WeedPro for your lawn care needs.